I Lied To My Husband About My Past – Please pray for me this week, I have traveled a lot and talked to the remnants of bronchitis and I feel completely exhausted. I have another talk this Saturday and I want to do it right. Pray that God will give me supernatural strength in the coming days to prepare for it and then before Saturday.
I posted a lot of information this month for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Videos, blogs and articles. Check them out.
I Lied To My Husband About My Past
Today’s Question: For the past year and a half, my husband has lied to me about things I could prove otherwise. He apologized and said: I have to forgive him. This response made me question his apology. We have been married for 30 years and he wants to forget all the scars of that time and focus on the next twenty years.
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I’ve been to a lot of counseling and he hasn’t been to one. I told him that it was important to me that he was gone because I wanted my feelings to be validated. I wanted to know that “someone” heard me and I wanted someone to understand why I was in pain and how I was feeling. He went.
The day before, I asked him a question about friends who came to visit. I asked him if he went to university with him. He was engaged at the time and had a relationship with this person throughout our marriage. He said no, they were childhood friends. We went to visit his friends and at dinner I realized that yes, these friends of his have studied with him for three of his four years. I didn’t say anything until his friends left. That’s when I asked him why he told me that they were not in university at the same time as him.
He told me they were “married then” to which I had to remind him that they didn’t get married until 5 years after college. I didn’t ask, his friend told me the whole story of their life.
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I just want the truth and I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I know he wants to live in the past. He does it regardless of my heartache. After all these years, I like to believe that I matter.
He told me that “the memories he has of Cindy (college crush/fiancée) are very special and he cherishes them.”
Answer: God sees your tears and loneliness, just as Hagar was alone in the desert. He said, “God who sees sees me (Genesis 16:13). This is important to remember when faced with some hard truths.
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As I have said many times, healthy people live in reality, not fantasy. Do I think it’s unreasonable to expect a straight answer from your spouse? No no. But I think given your husband’s history, it’s unrealistic to expect a straight answer from him.
This is what I think is clear from what you write. Your husband has been lying to you for the past year and a half. He tells you to forgive him, but he doesn’t have to change. He refused to consult with you despite your request. He thinks your thinking is twisted, so he doesn’t give your feelings or thoughts much credit. You asked him directly if he had friends from college and he lied again.
What about the last 28 years of marriage history? How was it? Is this lying and indifference to your feelings a new behavior or is it just getting worse?
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On the one hand, you say he wants you to forget all the wounds of the past and focus on the next 20 years. Furthermore, I assume that there have been many more cases of lying and injury than in the last year and a half. But if you think “he just wants to live in the past regardless of your sadness” what does he want to focus on in the future?
At this point, he seems pretty clear that he will do and say whatever he wants regardless of how it affects you.
I know it must be hard to hear such a strong truth, like having a bucket of cold water placed on your head, but I see you are struggling to accept the reality. “After all these years, I like to believe I’m important,” you say. Sure, you’d like to believe you’re important, but recent evidence suggests otherwise. He acts as if you don’t care what the history of your 30 years of marriage has shown. When did you matter?
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If his behavior is more of a temporary error of judgment and your previous marriage history shows care and honesty, you can apply consequences and break up, hoping that he will wake up from his infidelity and inappropriate attachment to his ex. to be However, if this is more of a pattern of behavior you’ve lived with for 30 years, I’m not sure why you’d expect any different now.
To be healthy you have to live in the truth and you have to tell yourself the truth instead of living in what you wish were true.
What does that mean to you now when you face the painful reality that you don’t care much for him?
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Friends: What was it like when you had to face the cold, ugly truth about where you got married? What have you done for healthy progress?
Every week, Leslie & Co. An anonymous reader question on the blog. Due to the number of questions we receive, we cannot answer all questions. Ask your question below: You feel terrible and you don’t want to lose someone you love, but you know you have to work hard to rebuild trust.
Maybe there were too many little lies (“I swear I didn’t put those dishes in the sink!”) or maybe it was one big lie (“It was completely harmless. We were just talking!”).
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But after a series of small lies or a devastating betrayal, you wonder how to restore trust in a marriage after lying to someone you didn’t want to hurt.
This is a great question, especially when we all know that lying is so destructive. Everyone lies sometimes, but chronic lying is corrosive. Lying about big things can blow up a marriage or relationship.
Most of the time, a lie is worse than the offense you are lying about. It tells your partner that they don’t value your truth. This makes them feel like you are gaslighting them.
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There is no universal answer to this question. Some relationships can heal, while others find it impossible to rebuild trust in a relationship.
Depending on the nature of the relationship, a breach of trust can have different consequences. However, according to research, one of the biggest predictors of recovery after a breach of trust is the length of the relationship.
According to this research study, “the longer the history of the relationship before the breach of trust, the greater the chance of recovery from such a breach.” Over the course of a longer relationship, a breach of trust is seen as the exception rather than the rule for the injured party, making it easier for them to forgive and move on.
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When there is trust in a relationship or marriage, you believe that your partner takes your feelings, thoughts, and interests into account when making choices that affect you.
You also respect each other enough to be honest and upfront—even if it’s awkward or makes you look bad.
When one of you can’t expect that, they live in fear of rejection, betrayal, or abandonment. They feel insecure that the other person is not behind them.
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Lying to your partner, especially about big things (loyalty, finances, family, past relationships, personal responsibility), will destroy your partner’s love and respect for you.
Without trust and respect, it is impossible to create a true and lasting love partnership based on emotional intimacy.
If you want to save your relationship, it’s worth it to trust again after lying. Consider the following steps to build your partner’s trust after you’ve been dishonest in your relationship.
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You lied to your partner, but don’t lie to yourself. There is no excuse for lying, especially if he catches you in it and is hurt or upset.
Realize what you did and think about why you felt the need to lie to someone else. What does the answer reveal about you and your relationship?
Know that the truth will usually catch up with you and the consequences of lying will only exacerbate the pain and suffering of the situation. Lying rarely makes things better.
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Now you have to take responsibility for your partner. First, apologize for the act that caused the lie.
This apology can be discouraging if you’ve done something that really hurt the relationship, like having an affair. Answer every question your spouse has with complete honesty. Don’t repeat the same mistake by lying again.
You will
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