Funny Golf Retirement Quotes – Are you like us and think the funniest are the best when it comes to golf quotes? If you’re looking for great golf quotes, look no further! We’ve scoured the web for the best funny golf quotes, including short golf quotes, funny golf quotes, funny golf quotes, clever golf quotes, funny golf quotes, amazing golf and awesome golf topics.
Whether you’re heading out for a Sunday round of golf with friends or hitting the tee alone, these funny golf quotes will make you smile.
Funny Golf Retirement Quotes
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Retirement Quotes For A Happy, Healthy, & Wealthy Life
“I don’t play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I’m happy.” — Henry Beard
“There is no such thing as a natural touch. Touch is something created by hitting millions of golf balls.” – Lee Trevino
“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful mate, and you can have clubs and fresh air.” – Jack Benny
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“If most people picked up a knife and fork the way they pick up a golf ball, they would starve.” – Sam Snead
“Golf isn’t a great game. If you can smoke and drink while you’re playing it, it’s not a game at all.” – Michael Connelly
“Take croquet mallets and billiard cues to the golf putting green and lose a lot of money.” – Ernest Hemingway
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“The only sure rule of golf is that whoever has the fastest golf cart doesn’t have to tell the worst lie.” – Mickey Mantle
“I’ve written children’s angst songs. My anger is when I can’t raise the roof of my Porsche and I can’t deal with my golf handicap.” — Alice Cooper
“The father’s place in today’s rural family is very small – especially since he often plays golf.” – Bertrand Russell
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“While golf was once restricted to noble, fat Protestants, today it is open to anyone modestly dressed.” – Dave Perry
“The only way to discover a man’s true character is to play golf with him. In no other journey in life does a cloven hoof reveal itself so easily.” – PG Wodehouse
“But at the end of the day it’s still the game of golf, and at the end of the day if you can’t shake hands with your opponents and be friends, you’ve missed the point.” – Payne Stewart
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“Golf is an impossible test. Only God, who knows that he is watching, walks into a hard rock and hits his ball where he is, will serve you faithfully and well.” – B.G. Wooden house
“Golf has few flaws. It is possible to destroy one.” – Sir WG Simpson
“A well-struck golf shot is a feeling that goes through your hands and into your heart.” – Ben Hogan
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“I’ve always had a police officer come up to me on any golf course and say, ‘Girl, you can’t play with a golf ball. He’s a movie star. You’ve got to use a coconut for the ball.'” – Irene Dunne
“The Old Testament is more responsible for superstition, agnosticism, pessimism—call it what you will—than any book ever written; it has claimed more churches than all the counter-attractions of the cinema, the roller coaster, and the golf course.” – A. A. Milne
“In Hollywood, there are some of the richest unemployed people in the world. They smell good. Some of them have drivers waiting outside in Rolls Royces. They have their golf clubs ready in the car. There’s no law against playing golf when you’re unemployed.” – Alan Sherman
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“Instead of saving for someone else’s college education, I’m currently saving for a luxury retirement community full of beautiful young nurses who love golf carts and butterscotch.” – Jen Kirkman
“The difference between a good and bad golf shot is the difference between a beautiful woman and an ordinary woman – a matter of millimeters.” – Ian Fleming
Here are some great little funny quotes about golf to lighten your mood. If you like short quotes, check out our Short Inspirational Quotes, Short Quotes About Life, Short Positive Quotes, Short Deep Quotes, Short Short Quotes, Short Short Quotes, Short Friendship Quotes, Short Quotes About Change. Short travel quotes and best short quotes.
Happy Retirement Wishes & Quotes
“The worse a person’s feet are, the better they play golf—it’s almost a rule.” – H.G. Wells
“If you think meeting new people is hard, try picking the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon
“If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s a game. If you work at it, it’s golf.” – Bob Hope
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“Ours is a youth culture, like a golf tournament, where we only value low scores.” – Bill Cosby
“Relax? How can anyone relax and play golf? You have to hold the club, right?” – Ben Hogan.
“If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.” – Joey Lauren Adams
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“It took me 17 years to get to 3,000 hits in baseball. It’s afternoon on the golf course.” – Hank Aaron
“I play every day if I can. It’s cheaper than a discount and I don’t have phones in my golf cart.” – Brent Musburger
Get motivated with these motivational and funny quotes about golf. If you like these, head over to our list of funny inspirational quotes for more.
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“Golf is a game that mirrors life. Golf is a mystical journey of joy and sorrow and a physical journey of cause and effect. ” ― Matthew E. Adams
“The first thought in golf, as in life, is to learn to accept the unchangeable…” – Bobby Jones
“Life is like a golf game with many curves and holes: you can’t play without clubs.” – Niece Claudia Antunes
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“The great thing about starting golf in your forties is that you can start golf in your forties.” – B.J. O’Rourke
“A golf course is more than anything else in the world; A place not to live in, but to pass through as quickly as possible. ” – Jean Giradoux
“Don’t force your kids into sports. I have never eaten. To this day my father has never asked me to play golf. I hear you. – Tiger Woods
Best Golf Jokes & Puns
“I’ve seen lifelong friends split up in golf because one can play better but the other studies better.” – Stephen Leacock
“Golf tips are like aspirin. Someone can do you good, but you’ll survive if you swallow the bottle whole.” – Harvey Bennick
“Golf is a game whose object is to hit a small ball into an ever-smaller hole, with arms poorly designed for that purpose.” – Winston S. Churchill
Inspiring Quotes For Amateur And Professional Golfers
“Golf is a wonderful game. It took almost 40 years to realize that I couldn’t do it.” – Ted Ray
“Golf is a riddle without an answer. I’ve been playing this game for 40 years and I don’t know how to do it. – Gary Blair
“The enjoyment of golf, no matter what level you play, depends primarily on how close you play to your skill level.” – Steve Pan
Retirement Quotes To Share With The Loved Ones
“Just as all souls are equal before their Creator, a two-inch putt counts as equal to a 250-yard drive. There’s a humor, an unfairness, that makes the game of golf a great mirror of reality.” – John Updike
“Golf: A Disease Introduced by Calvinistic Scots as Punishment for Human Sins.” — James Barrett Reston
“Appreciate the importance of doing what you love and get paid for it! It’s a golfer’s dream come true.” – Ann Myers
Retirement Wishes, Messages And Quotes
“Kid golfers often show an inability to count past five.” – John Updike
“There is no movement in the game of golf that cannot be made difficult by serious practice and practice.” — Henry Beard
“Golf is a serious game, inside, focused, a matter of the same people who gave us Presbyterianism.” – Robert Haas
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“I can’t wait to be that age with thousands of other people my age playing golf and going to the beach. Let’s laugh and enjoy. Driving golf carts around. I can’t wait. ” – Cameron Diaz
“They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. It’s more complicated than that.” – Gardner Dickinson
“Golf is the hardest game in the world to play and the easiest to cheat.” Dave Hill
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“You don’t know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket.” – Lee Trevino
“I went golfing to try to shoot my age, but shot my weight instead.” – Pop
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