French Parenting – French parenting isn’t perfect, but there’s a lot we can learn from this kind of no-nonsense parenting style.
“I’ll do it!” your favorite toddler expression and for good reason – the early years are when babies discover all the cool ways their new bodies work and how to use them. But a well-meaning parent can take away this newfound independence all too easily. How? By doing everything for the child. French parenting goes against that philosophy by treating children more like trained adults than helpless children.
French Parenting
“The French believe that children feel confident when they can do things for themselves, and do those things well,” writes Pamela Druckerman, an American mother who describes her experience raising a family in France in her book Bringing Up Bébé and the following chronicle. -up Bébé day by day: 100 keys to French Parenting. “The de’clic (DEH-cleek) is a big moment when a child realizes how they can do something important themselves… It is a sign of maturity and independence.
Bringing Up Bébé
Sure, you can do (fill in the blank) better and faster than your child – after all, you have a lifetime of training – but that won’t help them learn how to do it and build the confidence that doing comes with feeling something for yourself. In addition, it teaches grit, and grit is one of the most important personality traits associated with future success in life.
Americans have acquired a reputation, fair or not, for the “Everybody gets a trophy” style of parenting. Afraid of hurting tender feelings, parents praise each child for everything. But while it may save tears in the short term, in the long run that praise becomes diluted and meaningless. Instead, Druckerman notes, “After children learn to speak, [French] adults don’t praise them for saying anything. French parenting is about praising children for saying interesting things, and for speaking well.
When children truly deserve your praise, they will feel a real sense of accomplishment and pride in what they are learning. This is true across cultures, making it one of the 10 habits of successful parents.
Wpc Bebe Gourmet
Children are children and adults are adults, and all differences in development and maturity are understandable. So why do so many parents insist on having their children with them at all times? Maybe it’s the guilt of being away from them at work or the mistaken idea that parents should be everything for their children, but it feels like mothers and fathers feel burnt out and often need more children than they can. The solution, according to Druckerman, is dedicated adult time (and we don’t just mean sex).
“In French parenting, the parents managed to be involved without being obsessive,” she writes. “They assume that even good parents are not in the constant service of their children, and that there is no need to feel guilty about this. ‘There are nights for the parents,’ explains the mother of Paris .
The stereotypical new mother with haunted blue eyes is much rarer in France than in America, according to Druckerman. This is not because French children immediately know how to sleep through the night, but because French parents prioritize teaching children from the beginning to “do their nights”. What does this look like in practice? Just pause before stepping in to help, giving the child a chance to calm down. Many babies cycle through brief periods of alertness before falling back to sleep, and if you allow them a moment to do so, they will learn not to rely on rocking, feeding, pacifying, or any other external sleep aid. (In fact, this is one of the 21 things parents wish they knew before they had kids.)
The French Are Better Parents? Excusez Moi?
French children are very picky eaters, as Druckerman recounts her experience at her daughter’s school, where even the children happily ate beets, snails, spinach and other “adult” foods – no chicken nugget or a cuppa. mac-n-cheese in sight. . His secret: serving this food over and over and expecting them to eat it. No separate meal is cooked for adults and children, she writes, because children are expected to eat the same meal as their parents. Even babies are started on pure versions of the fruits and vegetables their parents eat instead of the “unclean baby cereal” that many American babies are started on. By training taste buds from the beginning, it helps children grow into voracious eaters. And, she says, they worry far less about allergies than their American counterparts, giving young children access to a wider variety of foods.
French children are not the only ones who learn to eat healthy from an early age; it is also one reason why Japanese children are among the healthiest in the world.
Painful experiences are some of the best learning opportunities, and trying to shield children from the reality of this world will only slow or even stunt their emotional development. Quoting her French doctor, Druckerman writes, “You don’t say, ‘I’m sorry.’ Getting injections and suffering pain is a part of life. There’s no reason to apologize for it. If you give them all kinds of discomfort, you are preparing them for regret.
Bringing Up Bebe
Allowing a small person reasonable injuries can also make you feel bad, but instead of trying to prevent injuries, spend that precious time teaching them how to deal with them. They will grow up to be resilient and good problem solvers.
“In the United States, a 4-year-old American child is under no obligation to greet me when he walks into my house. He manages to enter under the blessing of his parents. And in the American context, that would be fine should be me. I do not need the child’s confession because I do not count him as a whole person; it is in the realm of certain children,” Druckerman wrote, adding that this inability to relate to adults continues well in teenagers and young adults. “Part of the French obsession with it
[Seening of others] shows that children, in France, do not get this shadowy presence. The child blesses, so it is. Just as every adult who comes into my house must acknowledge me, every child who enters must also acknowledge me.
Why I Said Goodbye To The French ‘be Quiet And Mind Your Manners’ Method Of Parenting
This expectation begins with eye contact, politeness and social etiquette from the moment the French child can say hello, teaching them social manners that will benefit them throughout their lives. That’s not to say it won’t come easy, though, as these 16 things parents of toddlers need to know show you, so be patient with the little ones as they learn.
If there’s one thing the French are known for, it’s their commitment to fashion. In Paris, at least, Druckerman notes that new moms don’t get a pass by showing up together like they do here in the states. This is not meant as a punishment but as a way to maintain your own identity after childbirth. “If you act (and dress) like you have an interesting life inside, you can quickly discover that you do—and feel more balanced because of it,” she writes.
In the end, it doesn’t really matter what you wear, but it’s still important to take care of yourself. You don’t have to wear Chanel to the playground, but you’ll feel better if you change out of your spit-up stained leggings and wear a nice top. Need more tips? Make sure you avoid these 12 mistakes that make you look messy.
French Parenting Rules To Get Your Kids To Eat Everything
Early in her French experience, Druckerman explains how she watched a friend’s young daughter take an offer of mercy and then put it away for later instead of diving right in. meal and do not allow eternal snacks. Unlike American children who are often plied with Goldfish crackers the second they express a desire to eat, French children who regularly go several hours without food. This makes them hungry enough to eat their healthy meals (beets and snails, remember?) and also teaches them the vital skill of delayed gratification. Food is to be enjoyed and there is nothing “bad” – but only within the limits set by parents.
How many times have you said “no” to your child and then remembered later because of their whining or rationalization? If youare French, the answer is probably close to zero. French parenting is about believing in a firm “no” and that the parent’s answer is not up for debate. Druckerman quotes the French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau, who writes: “Give willingly, refuse unwillingly. But let your refusal be irrevocable. Do not be moved by a prayer; let your ‘no,’ say once, be like a brass wall, against which the child may throw his strength five or six times, but in the end he will not try to knock it down anymore. So you will be patient, honest, calm and give up, even if he does not gets what he wants.”
This can feel much easier said than done, especially as an exhausted parent dealing with an extremely persistent child. But putting up with a few tantrums is now worth the effort, because the general behavior is much better, explains Druckerman.
Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers The Wisdom Of French P
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