I Accept Your Regrets – Many people think that regret is a bad thing. But if you look a little closer, regret serves a very useful purpose in our lives.
Imagine you’re at a cocktail party where everyone is a version of you. There is a children’s play area with all versions of your little ones. There is a TV room where your nerdy teenagers can watch music videos and play video games. Then you spend a dozen adults drinking the crap you drank when you were younger and charting each different period of your life: you insecure college trying to look smarter than you are; dissatisfied and tired of his first job; you are innocent and bright since your first love.
I Accept Your Regrets
Now that might sound interesting. But I think this “Your Cocktail Party” is going to be pretty boring. This is because you are aware of every version of yourself you are talking to
I Won’t Accept Your Regrets الفصل 14
That doesn’t mean it won’t be nice. You would be with your awkward teenage self and reassure them not to worry, those painful high school years will pass and things will get better. You talk to your arrogant 23 year old boyfriend and gently put him down. You will be able to talk to your first crush and enjoy a new, new relationship without revealing Mr./Ms. He wants to drag your perfect heart across the asphalt and smash it with a sledgehammer a dozen times.
But then comes that one ex you want to avoid… you know the one. You have never been able to find a way to forgive your ex who did this terrible thing. If you finally get around to talking to them, immediately start chastising them, “What?!?! What were you thinking? Oh my god, you’re so stupid.”
Then the cocktail party is ruined. This is the time when you tear up your past, look in horror at your entire past, and feel neglected and abandoned. Your cocktail party falls into this horrible, horrible moment that drains all the other joy and abundance in your life.
Your cocktail party is a metaphor for what happens when you regret it. You stop celebrating and neglect all the fun parts of your life to make one festering mistake that haunts you.
Odalisque (comfort, #3) By Annabel Joseph
Regret is a kind of self-loathing. If you are the culmination of all your past actions, denying any past action is denying some part of you.
. Hating a part of yourself in the present is psychologically disturbing.1 But hating a part of your past is no different.2 It involves shame and hatred. It makes you loathe yourself. And that makes you a real contender at parties, metaphorically and otherwise.
But the way to avoid regret is to not ignore it. It is to get over it. It’s about getting your ex involved, talking to them directly and understanding why they did what they did. It is about having compassion for your former self, caring for them and ultimately forgiving them.3
Sorry, it’s just a mistake, we haven’t learned the right lesson yet. Often we regret it because we did something so terrible that it’s hard to learn an appropriate lesson. But often we regret our actions, not because they are so repulsive, but because we lack the imagination to make any effective sense out of them.
Read I Won’t Accept Your Regret Chapter 23
Learning from our mistakes is such an important part of not being an immoral person that I don’t even know where to begin. But let’s put it this way: if you do something wrong and learn from it, suddenly that mistake becomes useful. “like a magical elixir that transforms. lives to make us better. While it doesn’t eliminate all of our negative feelings, it certainly prevents things from getting worse.
Regret serves a flexible purpose. It can help us or hurt us. When we repent, we can think about our past mistakes or take steps to make up for it
Maybe you broke up years ago and it still hurts to think about it. Instead of beating yourself up, use this to identify the underlying issues of your frustration:
The way to move forward is to rationally eliminate all unpleasant feelings – not to blame yourself or the world for your misfortune – it is to accept your mistakes, understand what happened and integrate this experience into your understanding of who you are today.
I Won’t Accept Your Regrets Chapter 7 Raw
It forces you to take ownership of your pain, and if you truly took ownership of your struggles, you won’t repeat them.
In my book Everything Breaks Down: A Book of Hope, I explain that our minds are constantly creating stories to explain our feelings and experiences. These stories are rarely true and often not helpful, but we need them because they give us a sense of who we are.
By learning how to question our narratives, we can gain a better understanding of just how bad things have been. And if we ask ourselves honestly, we often find that it’s not as bad as we thought. 6
For example, let’s say Timmy squandered his life savings in a pyramid scheme. Timmy feels terrible. His wife hates him. His friends make fun of him. He can’t pay the rent. Everything is falling apart.
How To Let Go Of Your Regrets
Meanwhile, because the incident was painful, Timmy tells himself a story: “I wasted all our money because I’m an idiot and ruined our lives. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.”
The danger with such narratives is that they persist. Our mind is a meaning-making machine,7 and negative stories are especially harmful.8 If Timmy thinks he’s stupid and terrible with money, whenever he has a new experience, he explains it by saying, “I’m immoral.” terrible with money”9 lens. He also interprets the good things that happen to him as simple luck and the bad things that happen to him as his own fault.
In addition to learning to never invest in a shady Las Vegas vacation, her experience tests her commitment to marriage, and it may change her relationship and philosophy with money for the better. It can teach him that he needs less than he expects to live and survive.12 It can help him eliminate all the superficial material values he has carried throughout his life and replace them with wholesome, intangible values. This can test his friendships and bring him closer to some family members who can help him in a difficult time. It could provide him with a useful cautionary tale, a lesson to others so they don’t repeat his mistake.
If he stretches the timeline long enough and zooms out wide enough, Timmy might one day look back and say, “That was the best thing that ever happened to me.” And in fact, most people, if you talk to them, will tell you that their most painful experiences have often been their most important experiences.
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But you have to go out of your way to get to that point. You need to get rid of your silly stories.
When we experience regret, we choose to relive our past. We repeat our broken story over and over. We live with the past as if it were the truth, even though it no longer explained the world well to us, and the distorted narrative continues to haunt us.13
The problem is that we choose lost opportunities – we see these failures as our lost self, the person we should have been but never were. And then we torture ourselves with this idealized image.
Let’s say you’re at a dead end. And maybe you’re not the young gun you used to be, so you feel like it’s too late to do anything different. You are too old to go back to school, too far along in your career to change your path, and too committed to making changes in your life that will affect others like your family.
I Won’t Take Your Regrets
So you’ve created an ideal persona that reflects who you wanted to be 10, 15, or 20 years ago, not who you are today. Your ideal person:
As Shakespeare said (probably), “What a fool? Let’s count the roads.”14 First of all, youth is just an illusion
I think I will be a musician. Then I left the music school. “Oh bro, if I hadn’t dropped out I’d be a musician, what’s happening to me?” I won’t sit there.
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