Pleasantries People No Longer Say – December is often stressful—visiting relatives, preparing meals, buying presents for everyone from your son’s bus driver to your incredibly fashionable 18-year-old niece, all piled on top of your usual workload and set to a never-ending Mariah Carey soundtrack. And then there’s the smaller but ever-present stressor: how do you greet and say goodbye to strangers?
The choice between the traditional greeting or the more politically correct “Happy Holidays” is determined by differences in ideology, age, geography and gender.
Pleasantries People No Longer Say
Normally, when we greet and leave people, we rely on what linguists call phatic speech. These are expressions that, as sociolinguist Peter Trudgill says, “establish and maintain good social relationships without necessarily conveying any information.” “Please”, “thank you” and “how are you?” when you say words like we grease the social wheels – it shows that we have a positive relationship with our partner and that we know and follow the norms of politeness. Until recently, “Merry Christmas” was one of those gentle expressions, while in December, “See you later!” or “Have a nice day!”
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However, the practice of using “Christmas” today is a difficult practice. The choice between the traditional greeting or the more politically correct “Happy Holidays” is determined by differences in ideology, age, geography and gender. The person most likely to insist on “Merry Christmas” will be a Republican male over 60 living in the Midwest; the archetypal “Happy Holidays” supporter is a young (18-29) Democrat living in the Northeast.
The political divide can be particularly wide: a 2016 poll, for example, asked: “Should shops and businesses greet customers with ‘Merry Christmas’ or ‘Season’s Greetings’ as a sign of respect for people of different faiths or not?” 67 percent of Republicans said “no” and 66 percent of Democrats said “yes.”
At this point, “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Holidays” mean just as little when it comes to the original reason for the speeches. It does not indicate the good intentions of the speaker, nor does it reassure people. Now their main function is to characterize the speaker, which serves as a marker of group identification. “Merry Christmas” proclaims that you are probably conservative and Christianity suits you. “Merry Christmas” ignores the fact that only two of the world’s major religions have important celebrations in December, so it often translates to “I’m liberal and I try hard to be inclusive, but I still want to wish you a Merry Christmas.”
Interestingly, the public battle over “Christmas” is not confined to this side of the Atlantic. It is also done in England, although for different reasons. There is a difference between classes.
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Since there has never been separation of church and state in the UK, Christianity permeates public life in ways that may seem strange to Americans. With Anglicanism as the state religion, British public schools put on Nativity plays – although to be “inclusive” the three wise men could carry a menorah and talk about Diwali – and the Queen gives a televised Christmas address.
Wishing someone a Merry Christmas is still a fairly uncontroversial thing to do. But what thing? “Merry Christmas” or “Merry Christmas?” you speak In Britain this choice reveals your social class.
Although the words happy and cheerful are synonyms, they actually have different meanings. Cheerfulness implies a certain degree of gaiety that lacks happiness and tends towards calm contentment. When you have fun, you drink a lot, dance, eat rich food and play games. “I am happy” means that you are satisfied; “I’m happy” means you’re drunk. (At least in the 18th and 19th centuries it was called drunkenness in slang.)
Christmas in England was very merry indeed – in the Middle Ages and the Renaissance it was a 12-day holiday of feasting, caroling and other entertainment, such as kissing games with strangers’ spouses. The first English carols, printed in 1521, reflect this attitude—they are less about the birth of Christ than about the delicious boar’s head served for dinner (“The Boar’s Head Carol”) and the merry hunt that will follow (“A Carol of Hunting”).
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The switched-on Victorians popularized the phrase “Merry Christmas” but diminished the actual merriment. For example, in Charles Dickens’ 1843 A Christmas Carol, the characters often wish each other a merry Christmas, but the festivities depicted in the book are rather bland; the season was no longer as extended (and probably quite a fun) party as it was 400 years ago. It was an opportunity to sit over Christmas pudding with relatives, pamper children and remember the poor.
Britain’s upper classes either objected to the sounds of merry debauchery or thought it had become irredeemably middle-class until King George V delivered the first royal Christmas message on the radio in 1932. On this occasion, he wished his subjects a “Merry Christmas”, and that is what upper-class Britons have been saying ever since.
So you’re proud of the middle class? After all, “Merry Christmas!” Aristocrat or social climber? “Merry Christmas!” A great person who feels guilty about sounding nice? “You!” return to page As British journalist Susannah Constantine wrote in The Daily Mail in 2014: “There is no time like Christmas to show where you are in the social minefield of the British class system.”
What do you want to say: “Hi! How are you in December?” but don’t you want to declare yourself liberal or conservative, upper or middle class? “Happy New Year!” can serve us well.
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“Merry Christmas,” “Merry Christmas,” and “Merry Christmas” can still serve to express sincere good wishes, provided you know your audience. But you “Hello! How are you in December?” but you don’t want to declare yourself liberal or conservative, upper class or middle class?
“Happy New Year!” it can serve us well. Although cultures mark the year differently – for example, according to the Jewish calendar, it began in September 5780 – most people in the US and Britain still follow a calendar that declares this January 1, 2020 as the beginning. But if it seems a little early or a little communist (this was the default night in the USSR): it finally dawned on me that 2022 is coming to an end – I’ve been so far this year! Amen to that.
This year has been very transformative for me personally. This year I have asked myself countless questions: what am I REALLY doing?!
Then I look around and everything is smiling at me. But the world around me was not always so kind.
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Despite the mainstreaming of speech, you can’t always expect what you want to come to you. The bat signal must be turned on, the seeds must be planted multiple times AND the garden must be planted. Maybe a new certified meditation teacher talking here, but… it’s true.
Rather than worrying about asking questions that I don’t always have an answer to, I now realize that I’d rather not have an answer than wonder: what if? Here are my a-ha whispers reflecting this year from the gods who have appeared to me 👇
Risk and reward look different for everyone. Your success doesn’t have to be dramatic—in a content-driven world where sexy headlines grab attention and are applauded, I encourage you to celebrate your meaningful moments in your everyday life.
Find time for your interests. One of my small regrets is that I gave up what I love to pursue someone else’s dreams… it must be said that it didn’t work out for me. I learned a lot about chasing and building outside of the 9-5. These skills enriched my confidence and added value to collective projects and activities. Don’t deny yourself the ability to learn something new just because it’s not part of your day job. Spoiler: different skills and hobbies make you more interesting (and more employable)!
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You can only do so much in one day. Prioritize ALL the things you want to do in a day – not just work. Do you take your child to play? Practicing yoga? You bet – these are 100% daily priorities. Put them on your to-do list and block it on your calendar. “Reassess your priorities, because avoiding the joys of life is depriving you of life itself.
Support and encourage everyone. “Competition” is overrated and emphasizes the fear of love and hurts the joy of why you do what you do every day. Take the concepts and expand on them where necessary, but don’t be a copycat because you’ll lose your unique essence in the rush.
Apply or nourish
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