State Jokes – How many Bama fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but then you have to listen to everyone else talk about how great the dead bulb is.
A drunk Alaskan decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but then a booming voice says, “You won’t find fish there.”
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The drunk ignores this and continues to test. The voice repeats: “You will not find fish under the ice.”
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A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other except for one small problem: he was an Arizona Sun Devils fan and she was an Arizona Wildcats fan. He decided to make a sacrifice and become a Sun Devils fan. He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do it. The doctor replied, “Yes, it is a very simple procedure. What we do is we go in and remove half of your brain. When you wake up, you’re going to be a Sun Devils fan.”
The man agrees and goes into surgery the following week. After he wakes up, the doctor comes to him worried. “Sir, I’m sorry, but the scalpel got mixed up. Instead of removing half the brain, we removed 3/4. How are you feeling?”
An Arkansas State Trooper stopped the truck on I-40. He asked the driver, “Do you have any documents?”
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“Yesterday in Colorado, voters approved a marijuana tax to fund school construction. In other words, kids, don’t do drugs, stay in the schools they fund.
You know you’re a Connecticut native when your family has more cars than legal drivers, you took horseback riding, golf, tennis and swimming lessons as a kid, and you have at least four friends who drive Jeep Grand Cherokees.
I keep setting my DVR to record The Biggest Loser, but instead it records all the Georgia Bulldog games.
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“A surveillance camera at an Idaho high school appears to have seen a ghost.” Officials later examined the milky white image and determined it was another Idaho citizen.
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An Iowa fan, an Iowa State fan, and a UNI fan go to the mountain and argue about who likes their team more. The UNI fan claims to be the most loyal. “It’s for HIM!” – he shouts and jumps off the mountain.
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An Iowa State fan has to confess his love for his team. He yelled, “It’s for the Hawkeyes!” and pushed an Iowa State fan off a mountain.
You know you’re from Louisiana when the four seasons are shrimp, crab, crawfish and king cake, when you don’t pronounce your last name the way it’s spelled, and when you use words like downtown, downtown, backtown to give directions. on the river bank, on the lake, on the other side of the bay or on the other side of the river.
In the early 1900s, P. T. Barnum, the owner of the Barnum & Bailey Circus and originator of the phrase “Naivety is born every minute,” offered $10,000 in cash to anyone who could trick or suck him.
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Barnum was always looking for interesting new acts or new creatures to exhibit, and one day he received a letter from a colleague in Maine who claimed to have a cherry cat and asked if Barnum would be interested in one for his circus. Barnum contacted the man and said that if the cat really was the color of cherry, he would be happy to show it off.
A few days later he received a box with the inscription “live animal”. When Barnum opened it, inside he found a somewhat frightened but perfectly normal-looking black domestic cat with the words: “Maine Cherries Black.”
All his life, Ole had heard stories about Minnesota family traditions. Apparently, his father, grandfather and great-grandfather could walk on water by the age of 21. That day they would take a boat across the lake for their first legal drink.
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So when Ole turned 21, he and his friend Corky went out on a boat in the middle of the lake. Ole fell off the boat and almost drowned! Corky managed to pull him to safety.
Angry and confused, Ole went to see his grandmother. “Grandma, I’m 21 years old, why can’t I go across the lake like my father and his father and his father before him?”
Grandma looked Olea in the eye and said, “Because you’re stupid, your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January.” You were born in July!”
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Three young men from Mississippi were kidnapped by a terrorist who said he was trying to fulfill their last wishes before killing them.
The first guy, a Mississippi State graduate, said he would “love to hear his call again at MSU.”
Another guy, an Ole Miss graduate, said he wanted to hear “Hottie Toddy” one more time before he died.
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Three Norwegians go to Mexico to celebrate their graduation, get drunk and wake up in prison, only to find out in the morning that they are to be executed, but none of them can remember what they did the night before.
First, Sven was asked if he had the last word. He says, “I graduated from St. Olaf University in Northfield, Minnesota, and I believe in the mighty power of God to intervene for the innocent.” They throw a switch and nothing happens. Everyone immediately falls to their knees; Apologize to Sven and let him go.
The second, Lars, is tied up and says his last words: “I graduated from Gustav Adolf in St. Peter and I believe in the power of justice for the intervention of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. However, everyone immediately knelt down; Ask him for forgiveness and let him go.
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The last one, Ole, chimes in and says, “Well, I just graduated from the University of Nebraska at Lincoln with a degree in electrical engineering, and I’ll tell you right now, you’re not going to electrocute anyone. if you don’t turn this thing on.
You know you’re from Nevada when you see your car overheating before you drive it, you have to drive past the casino to see a movie, and the temperature is in the seventies, you’ll feel it overheating.
“New Jersey Bans Smiling in Driver’s License Photos.” Now, instead of saying, ‘Say cheese,’ the DMV photographer says to the driver, ‘You live in New Jersey.'”
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You know you’re from New Mexico when the bags with candles inside are perfect for Christmas decorations, you can order a Big Mac with green chili, and using a blinker is a sign of weakness.
“In Los Angeles, the rich live with the rich and the poor live with the poor.” In New York, it’s from building to building. As I asked my friend, I said, “Man, what is a good building?” I said, “Good building, you have a doorman.” Bad building, you have a man at the door.”
You know you’re from North Dakota, you only have 3 condiments (salt, pepper, and ketchup), you combine a kid’s Halloween costume with a snowsuit, and you know a few people who hit a buffalo.
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Welcome to Ohio, where weather forecasts are made and it doesn’t matter if it was sunny fifteen minutes ago.
“Yesterday, Oklahoma elected its first openly gay state senator.” Unfortunately, know that the senator knows how to say that he is in the state of Oklahoma, and not musically.
“I don’t believe it,” said the tourist. “I’ve been in Portland for a week and it’s been nothing but rain. When will it be summer here?”
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“Gay marriage is legal in Pennsylvania after judge’s ruling.” So today, many Amish do things other than barns.
“The winner of the $400 million Powerball lottery in South Carolina has chosen to remain anonymous.” But I think it’s the cashier at Cracker Barrel with the Learjet.”
One dark night outside a small town in northern South Dakota, a fire broke out in a local chemical plant and quickly turned into a huge fire.
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The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around. When volunteer firefighters arrived on the scene, the president of the chemical company ran to the fire chief. “All our secret formulas are in a warehouse in the center of the factory. They must be saved. I will give
But the raging flames stopped the firemen. Soon the situation became desperate and more fire services had to be called. A lone siren sounded as another fire truck appeared in the distance. It was a volunteer fire brigade from a rural Norwegian town, mostly made up of Norwegians over the age of 65.
To everyone’s surprise, this is a bit of a miss
Wacky State Jokes
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