Things Not To Say To A Grieving Person – When talking to someone who is grieving, it can be difficult to know what to say. In my previous post, I shared the 10 worst things to say to someone who is sad. As promised, today’s post will include concrete examples of what to say instead.
The infographic includes 15 “Say No” expressions. On the right, we find reasons why it should be avoided. Green markers represent the best alternative to help someone in distress.
Things Not To Say To A Grieving Person
Our job as supportive people is not to please them. why? Because it won’t work, grief doesn’t have to be fixed. The best way to help them on their journey is to support them and listen.
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“Well, other people are better at these things than me, there are other people,” you might think. Again, there is no cure. Your absence by not talking or texting hurts them more. This is especially true if you are a close family member or close friend; Or with other people. Therefore, they will think that you do not care.
Hopefully, the following examples will help you feel more confident when trying to reach out. Let’s not forget that grief doesn’t just last a few weeks. This is possible in some cases, but often, grief can last for years, perhaps forever. This often happens when a young spouse or child dies. As long as their person is still important, grief will always be there. This means you have to say and do things for years to come (with a green sign). It’s not too late.
The following expressions should be avoided, unless they are used by the mourner himself. Still, we must be careful. For example, they may say “one day at a time” to describe their grief journey, but that doesn’t mean those words will be comforting to others.
Things You Should Not Say To A Grieving Person
The infographic also shows some of the ways the grieving can feel, as well as tips on how to empathize. These examples may also be helpful if you are close to someone who is ill or if a loved one is ill.
Note: To view the infographic in full width on a mobile device, rotate the device to view (orientation).
Religious statements are not included above, but should be avoided; Unless you are absolutely sure that the deceased shares your faith and beliefs in the afterlife. Examples include: “He’s in a better place now,” “He has a grandfather now,” “It was God’s plan,” “God wanted him in heaven,” “May God stand by you.” and guide you” and “I will. See you again one day.” We all know that feeling. When someone is in trouble we all have a sense of comfort and empathy. Help them feel less alone.
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However, often our best intentions and efforts to empathize (or as my friends jokingly call it – ’empathy’) fall short of any real help. Which, unfortunately, leaves both parties feeling frustrated and scared… when the intention was to support and uplift. oops
When you lose a job or end a relationship, think about losing a loved one, a pet. How many of these things have you heard? How did you feel when you heard it?
I also understand, because you are human, that you say one or more of the things on this list to someone else. Everyone does it. She is right. You are allowed to make mistakes.
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Because being around someone who is sad makes us feel vulnerable. We don’t want to remember and talk about our pain (#uncomfortable). If we can’t handle our own grief, we can’t deal with others.
Therefore, we seek a quick escape, without suddenly feeling our grief again, without getting too close to admit it.
As a result, we end up getting past everyone’s “sorry for your loss” and “my condolences” and move on—and away from our pain.
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Hear their story. Encourage them to share with you what happened and how they found out. Ask them how they feel
Avoid giving any suggestions, advice, or similar stories from your personal life unless you are asked directly by the grieving person.
They are not broken. You don’t need to correct them. They are human and go through a tough time with really big and often conflicting emotions. We want to help them, heal them. We want those who are grieving to know that we feel their pain. We know that. with whom we are united. That’s why it can be so hard not to be rushed with our stories, or words of advice.
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If you listen with empathy, (no judgment, no criticism. No pseudo-Freudian analysis or unsolicited unsolicited advice.) you can create a safe space for the grieving person to express their feelings which is so important. is So that they can begin to heal. Emotions are a feminine force that I see as waves of water that need a strong masculine hair to rage and flow safely through. So, you need to be a safe container for them, to ‘hold space’ so they can let their feelings flow.
But how does one ‘keep space’? By simply having an open heart, this is easily one of the most powerful ways you can support yourself. I also encourage you to find stability in your feet and legs, literally. Connect with the energy of the earth and breathe deeply into your belly. It will demand your presence and support as you support them. Doing so will allow you to be their stabilizing force in the chaos and guiding force towards a safe shore.
The bereaved are flooded with support immediately after their loss. But as time goes by…everyone goes back to their regular planned life. This is exactly the time to go with someone who is sad.
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Reaching out can be as simple as sending a text and letting them know you’re thinking of them. Or arrange a time to grab coffee or go out together. The point is, connect because I don’t know a single person who has lived without another. Communication is key, try it.
Grievors usually say “call me if you need anything” because when the loss is new and intense they often don’t know where it is, let alone need it. Start with a specific offer to help and be open to other offers they may have for you.
We have all failed in our attempts at empathy. We’ve all used simple words when we didn’t know what to say. She is right. We are the people. We mess things up – often. Forgive yourself.
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You can choose differently next time. You can have a heart with ears. You go back and log in. You can offer to help and show that you really mean it.
It takes some practice to discard old and frequently accessed scripts. It takes courage to make room for someone to be vulnerable. You may not complete it the first time. That’s good too.
It’s never too late to show up with an open heart, a willingness to listen and a willingness to serve.
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Start your healing journey here. Choose our bi-monthly newsletter to help you cope with loss in life. Three years ago I lost my father to suicide. There were feelings that I always said. Some I found annoying, some funny, but none of them I ever repeated.
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What *not* To Say When A Friend Is Grieving The Death Of A Child
We’ve all said stupid things—I know the next words left my lips before I knew what grief was. But I have learned some things by looking at the “second part” of my life – that is my miserable life. Knowing what to say was helpful for me, and I hope it will be helpful for you too. So the next time you find yourself across the table from a sad friend, here are some phrases to avoid.
There is no good answer to this question. Either answer a) Yes, and that’s unfortunate.
Or, worse, the answer is b) no. so what? The truth is, option B can only be unfortunate. Grief brings up many complex emotions. And your friend’s relationship with the person they lost can make these feelings even more difficult. It doesn’t matter if they talk every day or haven’t seen each other for years. The most important thing is to consider your partner’s needs.
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Someone posted a great inspirational picture of this word on my Facebook wall after my father died. I think it should inspire. I’m in a hurry
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